The one with the heartbreak

So this is weird. I created this shit blog so I could vent about how sad I was. The thing is I’m not sad, I never was. All of this shit is anger. Ugly, passionate, wild anger.


I can’t remember a time I wasn’t angry and remember everything since my second birthday. The difference is that time got me more things to be angry about but time also taught me how to manage anger and transform it into something beautiful that means something else to everyone.





It’s been so long since I last posted here. My reason is the same as that first time. I think I’m not over my childhood bestie.


Look everything is a story and I remember how it felt loving her so I could say that’s the story of my first heartbreak. I guess I’m still a little angry about it or maybe I’m angry that we never got to talk about it. I don’t know her thoughts and feelings in the situation. Maybe I’m not angry about it anymore. I think I’m finally just sad about it.


I loved her dearly. I wanted her forever. I was so ready to be whatever she needed and then something happened.


I’m sure I’m also to blame. I wanted more world. All teachers and adults alike kept telling me I needed more than just her and another friend wasn’t enough for them. So I looked around and wished for more.


I saw interesting people I wanted to be friends with and I saw people I despised without reason or rather was jealous of them and then…


I had to go


I didn’t write to her because I was sure we had forever


I loved her and in my head love didn’t have an end





I came back to a world I didn’t know and I was so fucking angry with everyone, with the world. I also was scared as fuck. More than ever. So fucking scared.





I didn’t know if I fitted in her life anymore and she didn’t invite me to it and I didn’t ask. I don’t remember even saying hi to her. I was so out of place and so angry and so scared.





I wanted her





but her curls were defined and I didn’t like she changed them. I wanted her mine I think. I think I wasn’t good for her and I’m sorry about that. I didn’t know how to love right.





I don’t love that way anymore


I’m not that kid anymore.


She's not the same kid anymore





I just want to talk to her and ask her about her side of the story. Maybe then I’d stop dreaming about her and I could let my first heartbreak go.






P.S. She's not the kind of person who reflects about feelings I think. I probably don't know her anymore tho


P.S. I wrote a poem about her a month ago. Maybe I'll post it later.

Is nice to have a friend 

                                                                       Ari...